Happy National Slurpee Day!

You know, just in case you missed it this year.

Today is the day my kids look forward to for months.  7-11 celebrates this significant event by allowing you to bring your own "cup" and carry out as much slurpee as you can for the low, low price of $1.50.

You may be wondering, "What kind of parent would allow their child to load up greedily on a drink of pure sugar?  Especially during Lent!  Who would do that?"

Look no farther...it was Jay and me.  I know, I know, but just look at their faces:

These are happy kids.  No matter that it looks like canned dog food (or worse), their expressions say it all:  Mmmm Mmmm GOOD!

In our defense, we knew most would not finish their enormous portions (and they didn't, not even Sam).  Moreover, Sacred Heart School celebrated the Feast of St. Joseph today (even though it is really tomorrow) and we take our feast days seriously around here!

If you missed it today, check the sign behind Tony above.  It seems to be a two-day extravaganza, so there is still time!  Bring in your 5 gallon barrel, your horse trough, whatever you have.  Just remember where the blame really lies if you happen to make yourself sick... :)

Joey's Job

The last time I posted about Joey's job he was teaching young snowboarders and skiers how to ride. To everyone's surprise, he didn't go back to that this season.  Instead, he has been working as a bus boy at an amazingly delicious restaurant called Fresco II, which serves Italian and Mediterranean food.

My kid is transformed.  He loves his job (and the money it provides) and takes as many hours as he can get.  It is a two-restaurant outfit, one here in Palmdale and one at the Oxnard Harbor, which is perfect since he is going to school in Ventura in the fall.  He has already requested a transfer when the time comes, and he is such as hard worker that I can't imagine it won't work out. 

As humans, we were made to work and get great satisfaction from a job well done.  This may be the first time Joey has truly experienced this in his life.  I have no doubts now about his work ethic.  He will cheerfully do anything his boss asks of him (including taking dishwasher shifts if needed...I am thrilled with his new skills in this area and so will his roommates be next year!).  He fixes things that need fixing and will stay late after his regular shift to paint, fix walls or work on the roof.  He seems to be well-liked by his co-workers and his customers and comes home each night with a pocket full of cash, which has relieved some of our family's constant outflow.  At least from him we don't hear, "Can I have $20 to go to the movies?"  Now, only six more to go!

Speaking of others, Lindsey has just applied for a seasonal job at the Jethawks Stadium. I can only hope it will go as well for her.

A Prom Invitation

Lindsey is going to prom!  She is a sophomore and it is a Junior/Senior prom, so it is kind of exciting. I thought I'd post about it here because she was asked in a very creative way.

Her date-to-be is an exchange student from China pictured below in an inflatable suit.  He and his friends won a dance contest in suits like this so they teamed up again for this invitation.

The other thing you need to know is that Lindsey and I went to New York in December with Jay (he was working) and she and I were lucky enough to go see the Broadway show Alexander Hamilton (featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda, the show's genius creator as Alexander Hamilton himself).  Since then, we have really enjoyed (OK, obsessed about) the music, book, anything Alexander Hamilton, hence the reference in the sign.

Apparently, this boy (his name is Nick) recruited the help of two of Lindsey's closest friends.  One of them brought her in and filmed the whole thing and the other was playing the guitar and singing.  Nick and two friends in matching suits did a reprise of their winning dance which ended with the unveiling of the prom invitation.  Naturally, the teacher of the classroom he used was also in on it.

Those of you who know Lindsey personally understand  exactly how much she appreciated the creativity involved with all of this.  She is into performing arts and would "get" this quicker than many.

I think (and yes, of course I am biased) that Lindsey is pretty special.  As such, I am so happy that Nick went to such trouble to fine a unique way to invite her to prom.  

Now, to find a dress... (!)

Innovation Reigns

Tony is a very busy child.  Not one to sit and watch TV all day long (nor, I'm afraid, read a book) he is constantly testing concepts, learning new tricks and ideas, and putting them all together in projects.

Not all of his projects have been a total success.  He ran into some problems with his "real" Iron Man suit.  His recent Galaxy egg project began with a trip to Michaels and ended with a rather large can of paint remover which kept the house smelling, um, sterile for two days (although the egg WAS beautiful.)

This one, however, is great!  And it really works!

Yes, indeed, it is a speaker for a smart phone.  Easy to make with things found around the house, and super satisfactory results.

Go, Tony, perhaps we should look to you for the next "big" thing?!  I'm sure we won't have to wait long...

Happy Birthday, Bella

Today my daughter Bella turned 9.  She shares her birthday with General George Washington and likes that.

Bella has always been unique in our family.  She feels things very deeply and is quite sensitive to the environment around her.  She is very neat with her belongings and loves to organize and store things.  She takes great care in all she does and is a very special girl.

What a pleasure it was to share this birthday celebration with my dear daughter.  Here are some photos that reflect her pure joy in the occasion.

Birthday Party

Family dinner

At Medranos, where the wait staff sang to her.

Bella, we couldn't love you more and can't wait to see what you do next!

4 Drivers (!)

For years and years Jay and I were the only two drivers in the family.  About a year and a half ago, Joey got his license and things were...expensive!  But also easier, as he could help us pick up things (or siblings) or drop them off.   Grandma Marilyn gave Joey her 1997 Nissan Pick-Up Truck and that served him especially well as he drove to Mountain High for his job as a ski instructor last winter.  Thank you, grandma!

As you may recall, Joey also has a Jeep Wrangler that he loves, but it is grounded in our garage for the moment.  At some point you will hear about it again once we find the time to get a minor repair done.  It's ironic because I cleaned the garage out in the fall so I could get my car back in there before the weather got cold.  I parked there exactly twice before Joey put his Jeep in my spot the first day it rained. The Jeep doesn't have a waterproof top on it, so it has just stayed where it is since it has been raining so often this winter.  Every morning when I go out to preheat the car (or scrape the ice off the window), shivering, I utter a tiny little Jeep-curse under my breath.

In much bigger news, about two weeks ago, Lindsey got her license too.  Not as expensive this time, but doubly convenient.  She loves to go out any time she has the chance so she has become my go-to girl for milk or bananas, and even better, she drives herself to her friends' houses!  This has been a major time-saver for us.  Grandpa Harry gave her his 2004 Civic and she loves it.  It is very "her" and I love to see her jetting around in it.  Thank you, grandpa!

Yes, the family is growing up.  We only have a few months left with Joey at home and two more years with Lindsey before she goes as well.  I plan to enjoy as many moments as I can with them before that time comes.

Of course, I'll probably have to take the batteries out of their cars in order to "find" those moments!

Julia's Best Meet Ever

It was on Valentine's Day in Long Beach.  The convention center was teeming with gymnasts.  Julia walked in confidently and...kicked butt!

Here is a photo of her in action on the beam (thanks, Susan):

She got her best all around score ever, earning 2nd place.  She placed 1st on bars and medaled on every event.

Yes, it was fun to watch, but she is always fun to watch.  She is a graceful and beautiful gymnast and I love watching her grow and excel in her sport.  When she is rewarded with good scores, it is truly icing on the cake.

In other gym news, Bella was just promoted to team Excel Silver and has added a day to her practice.  She begins competing next January and will go the same meets as Julia, just at different times.  She is very happy about this development and has worked hard to get there.  Finally, Natalie was just moved to level 2 in the pre-team classes, so it is good news "all around".  (Sorry, a little gym humor.)

Go Di Silvestri girls!

Happy Lent (Wait, Already?!)

Didn't we just finish the Christmas season?  How can it be Lent already?

However it happened, it happened.  Exactly one month of Ordinary time passed in between Christmas and Lent, and here we are on Ash Wednesday.  For the second time in my journey as a Catholic, Ash Wednesday has come before Valentine's Day.  Luckily, though, Valentine's Day is on a Sunday, which is always a feast day, even during Lent.  Thank goodness for that, because See's and Lindt are very important to me.  Really.

Seriously, Lent has arrived again and I am glad.  I like Lent much better than Advent (which, to me, is characterized by pressures of all kinds which means little time to actually think about the coming of the Christ-child).  Lent is different.  There is plenty of time during which we are not constantly pressured to find presents for everyone, decorate the house, send cards and bake cookies.  I honestly don't know when I became such a Scrooge, but each year I have a harder and harder time making it through Christmas.

Inversely, I look forward to Lent as a time to reconnect with our Lord, who so often takes a backseat to all the business of our daily lives.  It is a time of reading (this year it is Matthew Kelly's Rediscover Jesus), studying (check out FORMED on line), questioning how I am doing in my quest for eternal life, and being able to plan how to become the person God wants me to be.  Life carries on, but in more hushed tones and with a little less drama.  It is peaceful.

As you may recall from last year, I try to add something productive during Lent rather than mortify myself (my husband reminds me that my illness mortifies me automatically, which I can't really argue with).  So, no, I am not giving up chocolate or sweets or caffeine.  I will try to be more measured with them, but I will not cut them out completely.  Instead, I am committed to getting back on track with my blog and will be posting at least three times a week during Lent.  I really enjoy writing in this space and haven't been doing it lately for lack of inspiration and energy.  Maybe this can get me back on track, for real this time.

I have mostly settled into a one week good/one week bad schedule with my chemo so I think I can better manage and predict my best and worst days and work the blogging in with that.  I feel, when I don't blog, that I begin turning inward and become less social overall.  I don't want to give into that (unless I REALLY want to take a nap, that is).  Plus, my short term memory is pretty bad now, so this is a good place for me to write down what is going on in my life so I don't forget it all.  Plus, some day my kids can read this and remember parts of their lives that I was able to record.

Wish me luck, as I wish you, with all your Lenten endeavors.

Another Cancerversary

Hi all,

Today, six years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  At the time the prognosis was not great:  I had an 80% chance of dying before 5 years.  I prayed and prayed that I would be able to see Natalie enter Kindergarten.  Now she is in 2nd grade.

I am thinking this morning about all the blessings in my life, especially those that have come to me through the cancer.  Things like really, truly appreciating my family and each day we have together (and yes, some days this is harder than others as the kids go through their various phases),  learning to ask for and accept help, understanding that I am truly in charge of virtually nothing, and most of all understanding how to calm down about the little things and rest in trust of God.

My kids are old enough now to remember me (for good or bad!).  I have learned to say no to things that stress me out.  I have learned to accept my own weaknesses and how to apologize (and really mean it) when I know I have made a mistake.  I now understand that my house can be "lived in" and reasonably cluttered, yet I can still have guests.  I wasted a lot of time and opportunities over the years before I learned these things.

I still have a lot to learn, though, and many more memories to make with my kids, so  I am still praying and praying...but now it is that I will get to meet my grandchildren!  Please?  Yet, as Jay's Grandma used to say in her thick Italian accent, "Whatever Godawants".

Peace, Faith, Hope and Love

I am experiencing a "double dip" on the roller coaster right now, so I thought I would let you know what is happening so you can ride along with me!

My recent brain scan showed that the tumor we radiated in July shrunk by about half.  Great news.  The not-so-great news is that a tumor that we treated in February 2014 is growing again.  Theoretically, since I had whole brain radiation in 2011, I am safely allowed one more direct treatment to each new tumor that pops up.   As this has already been treated, there is not much we can do here if we want to be totally safe.  The tumor is too far interior for surgical intervention, so we are trying a couple of other things.  First, I have another brain MRI in a few weeks that adds a special process which will allow my neuro oncologist to see what portion of the area is new tumor and what is scar tissue from the last treatment by the blood flowing in the area.  This is important information for him, as necrosis (scarring) can keep growing for some time after treatment and without the blood flow information it is hard to know what is what.  The second thing is to try to treat with chemos that cross the blood/brain barrier.  One of my two new ones does cross, so we will see if that helps over the next few months.

This is the first time in a long time we have had a genuine concern so I am definitely asking for prayers.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I also wanted to share with everyone how completely peaceful I am about this development.  As you know, I have a very strong faith and I truly believe that whatever happens here will be for the best according to God's will, even if we can't see it right away.  I am his daughter and he loves me.  I trust him completely and this brings me such great peace.  I don't spend time worrying about what I can't control (which is basically everything!), and I am not afraid.  So I also ask that, as you pray for me, that you will ask God for this same peace and trust in your own life.  It has made such a difference in mine and I want everyone to experience it.

I thank my family and dear friends who have stepped up their care for me during this dip, especially as I get used to my new drugs.  I love you all so much!

I am very optimistic that we will clear this hurdle and that I will have many more years here on earth to enjoy.  Hope is a beautiful thing.

On a related note, I urge all of you to go as soon as you can to Governor Brown's web site and ask him to Veto the bill now on his desk that would approve Assisted Suicide in California.  We have until October 7th, but he could move sooner.

This is a very personal issue for me as I don't want this to open the door for my insurance company to decide I am too expensive to keep alive and that now we have a "better" option for those of us with terminal illnesses.  I believe there is great value in suffering if we learn how to direct it properly, for the benefit of others.  I don't want anyone but God to decide when my life ends.  If you agree with even a part of this, please take a minute to follow these instructions:

1. Click HERE for the link to Governor Brown's constituent comment page

2. Click the "Have Comment" circle

3. Type your First Name, Last Name, and Email address

4. Under "Choose Your Subject" scroll down to bottom and select: X2AB00015 

5. Check the "Reply" box

6. Click continue

7. Click the "Con" circle

8. Type in a brief comment 

9. Click "Send Email"

Thank you!

Another Exciting Dip on the Roller Coster of Cancer

I used to love roller coasters.  Especially Colossus at Magic Mountain.  How fun it was to go up, up, up, knowing that the first drop, the best one, was coming.  What a thrill it was to tear down the track with my hair whipping behind me and my stomach in my throat.  Just when it was almost too much, up we went again and the cycle started over.

Fast forward thirty-some years.  I am still on this roller coaster, but this time it is not Colossus.  It is cancer.

It is still thrilling to go up, up, up, even knowing that a drop will come again.  However, now there is no hair whipping in the wind, and every bump on the track hurts.  I remember my dad (who took me to Magic Mountain many times) saying that the bumpy tracks hurt his back, but he kept going with me because the benefit outweighed the pain.  I keep riding for the same reason.

Just like on Colossus, with cancer the first dip was the biggest.  The shock of diagnosis, the understanding of how bad things were, plunging in to treatment.  Since then, the rest have been smaller rises and falls, with a few surprises in between.

After a year of mostly up, I am once again flying down the track.  But don't worry, I am not falling too far.  I feel the safety harness around me and know that I will soon hear the click-click-click of the track pulling me back up for another go.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have had a couple of hospital stays and some brain radiation over the summer.  A recent PET scan showed significant activity in my bones, particularly in my right hip area, spine and sacrum.  That's the bad news.  The good news is that the major soft tissue organs, lungs and liver are still clear.  I have often repeated the wisdom of my first oncologist Dr. John Glaspy of UCLA, "The bones won't kill you." This gives me great hope.

Nevertheless, we want to keep the tumor load under control and we especially don't want the weight bearing upper femur to crack, so that is the first thing we are attacking.  Today I have the 6th of 10 fractions of radiation to my right upper leg.  The super good news about this is that I get to have these treatments right here in the Antelope Valley at the City of Hope and do not have to drive to Beverly Hills 10 days in a row!  The other good news about this is that I am on break from most of my chemos while on radiation, so I am feeling pretty good, although, of course, tired from the radiation.

When this course is over, we will not be going back to Taxol.  It worked for a long time, but with this activity we can assume that the cancer has outsmarted it.  I will start Carboplatin and Gemzar with hopes this will buy me more time going up, up, up.  By the time the inevitable dip comes, surely there will be something else to try.

In order to qualify as a thrill ride, it has to be the right combination of scary and exhilarating.  I'd say I'm still riding Colossus, but perhaps now on the new "twisted" track.  Hopefully it will be a little less bumpy now.  Wheeeee!!!

3-2-1-0, No Football?!

Football season is starting and somehow, we have no players.  What?!  But we have three boys who have always loved football!  How can this be?

Here's how it shakes out...

We lost Joey as a player last year when, after 9 years of playing, he decided he was done.  Ok, we get it.  If you're happy, we're happy.

Tony decided to take a break from the Rebels after learning his team would start practicing earlier than ever.  We get that too, the kid wants his summer.  We are pretty sure he will get back to it in the future after a bit of a rest and an anticipated growth spurt.

But Sam?  Sam was quite enthusiastic about football and practiced all summer with the Paraclete High School JV team.  As an incoming freshman who has played every year since he was seven years old with the Rebels, he was ready to go.  After conditioning all summer he finally got in pads and spend two glorious days ramming into kids and demonstrating his true love for the game.  We were all looking forward to his first game just a few weeks away.

As an aside, several months ago, Joey began dating a beautiful girl named Rylee.  We love her and she fits right in to our crazy family.   She shares his love for Jeeps and classic cars in general, and they have a lot of fun together within a larger group of really great kids.  We have gotten to know her family and the families of her friends and we feel very blessed to have new friends in our own lives.

Rylee brought over her ATV a few days ago because Sam challenged her to a race against his Pocket Bike.  Somehow, Sam ended up riding on the ATV (even though he knew he wasn't supposed to) and here is how it went...

When his turn didn't go as planned and he couldn't find the brake, he froze with the throttle on full.  If he had just let it go, all would have been fine.  But instead, here we are:

Wedged improbably in between the house and the palm tree, his friend Noah trying to assess the damage to the house (minimal).  By the way, the video above is courtesy of Noah.  He missed the very end because he was running to see if Sam was OK.  Here is the partial result of the crash...

                                     

There are three cracked metatarsal bones (fancy word for upper toe) which you can see pretty clearly here and two other small chips/contusions on the ankle and tibia.

Poor kid.  He may have parked his common sense by getting on the ATV, but I know that panic is a real thing (whisky throttle, look it up!) and he is suffering greatly for missing out on his first high school football season, not to mention the pain and swelling associated with the breaks.  I am so grateful he was wearing a good helmet as his head took a pretty good blow into the house.  I was out with the girls when it happened, but Jay was upstairs working and told me it was the loudest sound he had ever heard.

Luckily, it is Sam, and nothing keeps Sam down for long.  He continues to go to practice in hopes he will get cleared for at least part of the season (a real possibility).  He has been generally cheerful about his loss and doesn't complain about his crutches and boot, even in 100+ degree weather.  He tries to do most things on his own even though we are all willing to help him with just about anything.  Tomorrow he will go to his first day at Paraclete High school in all this glory, God bless him.

Perhaps its a good thing that summer ends today...

Ups and Downs

I always picture summer as this time of oasis for our family.  A time to get things done around the house, to get out of the endless cycle of driving the kids around, a time with little to no nagging about homework...

I don't know how I keep getting it so wrong.

Summer, though I still enjoy it more than the school year, has been no sort of oasis.  If anything, it has been even crazier than the school year (is that possible?!).

We've backed down to one football player and no cheerleaders this year, so that is something.  However, we've added on to Julia's and Bella's gym time so it might behoove us to move somewhere next door to the place with the number of times I drive back and forth each week.

My medical needs have stepped up a bit lately and I have been in the hospital twice this month for seemingly ridiculous things, but apparently when you have stage IV cancer, and especially when it is in your brain, even the most ridiculous things can be serious.  I spent one night at Cedar's in July when I vomited and got severe chills right after my Taxol treatment (Jay laughed at that one, telling anyone who would listen that I am ALWAYS cold).  This past week I spend two nights after I had a scary episode of not being able to find words or make them come out in a coherent way, coupled with an "auora"which I would have called an ocular migraine, except it did not come from my eyes.  I have a new brain tumor in my right frontal lobe which seems to be causing this trouble, so I ended my stay with a large but very targeted blast of radiation which will hopefully take the wind out of its sails.  As of now I feel completely normal after sleeping for three straight days.  I realize that I may have been taking my fairly good health for granted and need to remember that every day is a gift.

Lindsey just got her learner's permit which might scare some parents, but I am thrilled to have a fourth driver coming on board.  Believe me, we need it.

School will be starting on August 17th with three kids at Paraclete High School (Joey is a senior, Lindsey a sophomore and Sam a freshman) and four at Sacred Heart School (grades 2,3,4 and 7).  As always, we have employed a "each child each year" assessment as to where we think they will thrive.

My mom has had her share of hospital time this summer as well, scaring us all to death with a pulmonary embolism (in English, a blood clot in her lungs).  She stayed 5 days, the first few days in the ICU, but I was very happy with the ER docs at Palmdale Regional Medical Center who diagnosed and treated her correctly right away.  We could have easily lost her.  She will be on blood thinners indefinitely.

Julia had four permanent molars removed (not wisdom teeth, those go later) as one of her teeth was completely sideways in her jaw and rotated 180 degrees to boot.  After reviewing the options and how crowded her mouth is in general, we opted to take the four as opposed to taking years to try to coax that tooth down and around orthodontically.  She has healed well and was a great sport about the whole thing.

We had a visitor from Spain throughout July, a 14 year old girl named Camino (translated, her name means "the way" as in "the way of the cross").  Her sister Maria was with us last summer and we had a chance to visit her family in Valencia last fall when we went to Spain for the Beatification of Don Alvaro.  We had a great time with her and hope she enjoyed her first visit to the United States.

In other summer news, Lindsey and her friend went to VidCon in Anaheim and had the time of her life.  She is interested in pursuing a career in electronic media (i.e. YouTube) and she got to meet many of her favorite "You Tubers".  It is a whole new world out there, let me tell you.  Currently, she is interested specifically in working for BuzzFeed.  If you know what that is, you are hipper than I am, but I am learning.

Tony has set up a You Tube channel of his own, specifically dedicated to helping people with MineCraft.  Apparently there is a MineCon on the horizon and guess who wants to go?  We will have to see about that one.  

So, all is well at Casa Di Silvestri, but as usual nothing went as planned this summer.  I am already looking at school supplies and uniforms and wondering why my garage organization project is still only half done.  Maybe someday!

This Says It All

When you have a minute, take a look at this roughly three minute You Tube video made by a woman who has been living with metastatic breast cancer for 17 years (!).

She is trying to educate people who don't understand that metastatic cancer is quite different from Stage I-III cancer, and she covers it very nicely.

Lots of people ask me if I am in remission and it is hard to explain that I can never really be done with treatment.  It kind of deflates people who are enthusiastic about beating this disease.  So, I offer you Holley Kitchen to explain how it is.

Holley is a great example of someone like me who is living a fairly normal life with metastatic cancer.  She, like me, fights for her kids.  And they are SO worth it!

How Do I Do It?

People ask me this question a lot.  They ask me when they learn I have seven children.  Then they REALLY ask me when they hear I have seven children AND Stage IV cancer.

My response is more or less always the same:  I don't do it well all the time, I rely on God's grace to do anything well at all, and what else can I do when I have a family that needs me besides soldier on?  Then I tell them that they would do the same if they were me.  

That always makes them stop and think for a minute.  The response I usually get at the end of the pause is something to the effect of:  Well, I guess you're right.  What else can you do?

Some people go so far as to say that I am some sort of saint.  Hardly!  I struggle just like everyone else does.  Yes, I want to be a saint and I want my children to be saints (hence the name raisingsaints), but working toward that every day does not mean that I have or ever will reach that goal on earth.

I know a few real saints-to-be here on earth, and I am not that.  Try as I might, I get crabby with my kids and snap at my husband from time to time without real cause.  I am quite lazy and like to sleep as much as possible.  I tend to put off my work until the last minute which is not saint-like at all!  I forget to think outside of my family some days and have a hard time saying no to foods I like.  I could go on and on...

I write this because I want everyone to know that I am a regular person just like all of you are and the only remarkable think about me is that I have survived Stage IV cancer and its treatments for 5 and a half years, and you must know this has been completely out of my control!  God has been very good to me and my faith in him is strong.  I worry about very little and trust anything that is out of my control to him, and that is working well for me.

Some days I do well, but only because of the energy I have prayed for.  Some days not so well.  But every day I try and try again to be what God wants me to be and as long as I keep trying I am doing alright.

So, in a nutshell...THAT'S how I do it!  And you can do it too.

Shanee

A few years ago I participated in a cancer survivor program as part of my treatment at Cedars-Sinai.  It was for people who were mostly done with their treatments and needed some help getting back into the swing of things.  It specifically addressed issues such as chemo brain (i.e. forgetting things), physical effects (neuropathy, nutrition, balance), nutrition going forward, dealing with mood changes, etc.  We met once a week for six weeks and were a group of six people.

Since the class ended, we have kept up via email and shared our successes and setbacks from time to time.  Only one other person besides me was dealing with metastatic cancer long-term, so the attitude of the group was, "we made it through, so now what".  No one in our group embodied that attitude as fiercely as Shanee.

She was young, had started her own business, and was very ready to get on with her life.  Her cancer experience had been, in my interpretation of her view, an inconvenience or a side step on her way.  She was very positive and full of ideas and plans.

Shanee "completed" her cancer experience in January with her long-awaited breast reconstruction, and off she went to conquer the world.

I first heard something was wrong from another group member about a month and a half ago.  She told me Shanee's cancer had returned and that she was in the hospital, but that she was in good spirits and would like visitors.  Three weeks ago I went to visit her after my treatment and found her just leaving her room for a procedure.  I spoke with her briefly, she was very happy to see me and I told her I would try to come back on my next treatment day.

A week or so later I heard she had been moved out of the critical care tower where I saw her and was in a regular room.  She appeared to be doing better.

After another week she was moved back, but this time into ICU, was intubated and on oxygen, and needed to have her lungs drained periodically.  A tumor ruptured a major artery and she was bleeding internally.  She slipped into a coma and stayed there.

Shanee died early yesterday morning in the intensive care unit of Cedars-Sinai.  Lord, receive her soul.  I heard the news while I was driving to my chemo appointment.

This loss hit me very hard, although I did not know her well.  She was so full of life and plans and she never saw this coming.  I was attending the class with a very different perspective and was wistful that she was going to get to return to her normal life and I never would.  I couldn't have been more wrong.

Cancer is a nasty, sneaky disease.  No matter the stage a person is diagnosed, the experience is really never over.  You always are on guard.  In some ways, I am grateful for my stage IV diagnosis right off the bat because I will always be monitored regularly and will have a chance to get on top of anything new before it gets out of control.  No, this doesn't make me totally safe, but it certainly helps.

I can honestly say that I am at peace with whatever comes my way. I understand that I am not in control of any of this and God's will is always what is best for me.  In the meantime, I am trying to make the most of every day I have (as we all should).

The doctors who led our group are planning a get together for us to remember Shanee and to share some coping strategies with us.

In the meantime, please pray for her soul and for her family and friends.  Rest in peace, Shanee.

Further Proof Kids Are Worth Having

When I picked the kids up from school a few days ago, Natalie had something to tell me.

"Mom," she said.  "We finished Family Life today."

Family life, in Catholic Schools, is a euphamism for the facts of life.  It starts out quite simply in the early grades, but gets more complicated as the kids get older.  In 5th grade the truths of the body come out, and from there it gets to bigger issues that kids need to know and some parents are reluctant to talk about.  I have seen the materials and have no problem with the program or how it is presented, and none of my kids have had anything to say about it at any level.  We talk about most of these things at home before they get to them in school, and I like that it is taught from a purely Catholic perspective and focuses on building faithful, happy families.

Given that Natalie is in first grade, I couldn't imagine she heard anything she couldn't handle, but I could tell that something was bothering her.

She began to explain that there was a section on vocations and everyone had to check a box next to what they think might be their vocation as adults.  The list included being married, discovering a religious vocation, etc.

With complete dismay, she went on, "There was no box for 'I want to stay home with my mommy',  so I had to check the 'become a religious sister' box."

How sweet it is to be loved by Natalie.

She Did It!

After mentioning a few posts ago that Julia had not had her best competitive season this year, it is my absolute delight to tell you that she had the best meet of her life today!  It was her state meet, the last of the season, and she turned it around in a big way.

She hit all of her routines, nailed her often-troublesome back handspring on beam, and scored a 37.125 all around, which earned her 7^th place in her age bracket.  She also medaled in beam (9.5) and vault (9.375), and scored well on floor (9.2) and bars (9.050).

I was praying she would get a 36.0 all around and that she would make her back handspring on beam.  Clearly, that prayer was answered and more!  I really wanted her scores to show what I know she is able to do and does in practice, and they certainly did today.  I wanted her to see her consistently hard work and conditioning pay off and that they were not in vain.  I am so glad she was able to see this and can begin her off-season with the confidence of a job well done.

Congratulations to my beautiful and determined daughter who, starting tomorrow, will be training level 7!

Joey's Jeep Justified

Jay has always wanted to have a "project car".  He is always on the lookout for something that he can work on with the kids in order to teach them about automotive repair, money management, satisfaction in doing work well, independence, perseverance, etc.  He still hasn't found the car that he hopes Sam will eventually drive after working on it for a few years, but when Joey got his 1990 Jeep Wrangler in January it ended up fitting the bill.

A few weeks ago, the drive shaft cracked in the Jeep, rendering it undrivable.  (Luckily, we still have the truck Joey drove before the Jeep entered his life, so he was able to carry on.)  Joey and Jay assessed the damage, watched some videos on YouTube, and ordered the necessary parts.  While waiting for the parts, Joey read the Jeep repair manual and figured out what he needed to do.

The last part arrived today.  When Jay was unable to help him get started right away, Joey began the work himself.  Sam and Tony watched (and assisted when needed).  After three hours or so, long after the younger boys abandoned ship, he came upstairs and happily showed us his repair.  This was not a simple replacement.  Please understand that I know very little about car engines, but it involved U Joints, grease, transfer case housing, bushings and other assorted parts.

Joey had little experience before today with complex auto repair, so needless to say we were very impressed by his motivation and tenacity.  When he ran into a problem with some roller bearings he figured it out on his own.  Now he understands that he can learn how to fix pretty much anything by finding a "how-to" YouTube video on the subject, and that is a gift that keeps on giving.Joey's

Movin' on Up

We just finished registering Sam for Paraclete High School.  Gulp.

Next year we will have three kids in high school at once.  Joey will be a senior, Lindsey will be a sophomore and Sam will be a freshman.

The other four will remain at Sacred Heart (provided I find the time to re-register them before the deadline tomorrow).

Now, you might think this is a story about how I can't believe how fast this time came about.  After all, wasn't it just yesterday that I captured a video of Sam scootering in the front yard in his overalls, wearing Lindsey's pink sparkly princess sandals, crashing, then getting up with a big smile and starting again?  It's not.

Actually, it's a story about "oh my goodness, how can we afford this"?!  Turns out, it is quite a chunk of change to send three kids to a private high school.  The elementary tuition we have been used to for awhile, but this jump is going to hurt.

Is it worth it?  Believe me, we ask ourselves that question all the time.  We think so.

Quartz Hill High School is a massive community over 4000 students.  That is the population of many small towns.  There are all sorts of kids that go there and, while many kids do well, I am afraid my kids might be lost there.  Paraclete is under 1000 (7 hundred something I think) and pretty much everyone knows everyone else, yet it isn't so small that you feel trapped with the same people all the time.

Ironically, Paraclete is a focused college prep school, and we are highly encouraging the kids to do two years at a JC before they go to a university.  With a couple of exceptions our kids are fairly average academically, and we honestly believe they will have a better high school experience (not so much pressure) and a better college experience (can get into better universities after two years with a good record at a JC).  Plus, they will know better what they want to do by then, whereas I basically wasted my first two years at UCSB messing around with changing my major and being distracted socially.  A bonus of this is that we will save 14 years of college tuition if they take that path.  Which justifies the expense of a private high school.

Of course we are open to individual children who have different plans, and we are willing to work with them however we can.  But at the end of the day, this is the path we would choose for them.

An example of how close-knit the Paraclete community is just happened today.  I called the pediatrician this morning to make appointments for Bella and Tony.  Naturally, I know everyone that works there.  Sandy answered the phone, who happens to live on my street and whose kids all went to Paraclete.  She told me how when Jay brought the registration papers on Saturday that he forgot Sam's immunization card (which I already knew because even though I filled it out I missed putting it in the pile of papers I gave him).  This is not something I expect to hear when I call the pediatrician for an appointment, but you know what?  I love it.

Most of the reason why it is worth it for us, though, is the faith factor.  Even though many kids who go to Paraclete aren't Catholic, there are plenty who are. Very few students have been raised with no faith at all.  We are happy with the religious instruction and that Jesus is ever present in whatever the school does.  I am definitely not a Pollyanna who believes there are no drugs, parties, or sex happening at Paraclete.  But when you know the families of the kids your kids are friends with, there is a much better chance of getting your children through unscathed.

So, we will pay out the nose for it.  And eat a lot more pasta. :-)