Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Agony in the Garden

Since Monday, my meditations on the mysteries of the rosary have taken on a new light. I suppose this is natural, since I have experienced this before through other events of my life. As my perspective on things changes, so does my understanding of the events of the lives of Jesus and Mary. This is part of why the rosary is such a beautiful prayer.

I find myself suddenly with new perspective on what it must have been like for Jesus while he waited and prayed in the Garden of Gethsemene.

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew the soldiers would come for him, and he knew he would suffer great physical and emotional pain, though at that time he was only experiencing the agony of anticipation.

He knew he would be leaving his disciples to fend for themselves and had to trust that the principals he had instilled in them would bear fruit. He also knew they would stumble along the way.

He prayed that this cup might pass him by. Yet, even in his distress, he remembered "Thy will be done, not mine."

He watched as his friends repeatedly fell asleep, though he asked them to wait and pray with him.

Like Jesus, I know what is coming. I know that the soldiers are coming for me, though I can only physically sense the barest hint of their presence right now. I know that there will be great physical and emotional anguish ahead for me and for my family and friends, yet right now I see only the graces that this situation is bringing as my community surrounds me with strength.

Like Jesus, I know that I may be leaving my children, hopefully not physically anytime soon, but to a degree, while I turn to face my battle. I must trust that God, with the assistance of my family and friends, will guide them through the worst parts of this when I am unable to, and that the seeds we have planted in them will bear great fruit in this time of trial.

Like Jesus, I fervently pray that this cup might pass me by. But always, His will be done.

However, unlike Jesus, my friends and family have not fallen asleep. You are all very much here with me in the garden and wait, wide awake, to face this by my side. Because of this, I will never truly understand the depth of Jesus' suffering. Thank you.

We always teach our children to pray, "Please let me be like Jesus." Well, now I have the chance.


Jay Di Silvestri said...

I am so proud of you. You didn't pick this cross to bear, but you are bearing it beautifully. Many graces have already come from your struggle, and for those I am so thankful.

I just read a homily this morning on Christian hope, and it really hit the spot. I thought you and our friends praying for you might want to read it.

I love you so much

Allaire said...

Dearest Suzanne,
Know our prayers are fervent
and daily for your healing.
You are on the prayer list
at the Abbey too. Allaire & Chloe

Anonymous said...

Dear Suzanne,

You are going through this process with a sense of awareness and an experience of God's love. You are showing passion to your friends and family around you by your openess to communicate your cancer experience. This is God working through you. I believe, by this experience, we - your friends and family, will be and are touched by God's grace.

Thank you for your communications and your sharing of this experience.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God contiune to bestow upon you his graces. His miracle of healing has not only touched your life but those around you.

God bless you, dear soul.


antonia said...

always praying for you

Annie Bizzi said...

I want to call you soon, but I am waiting a bit to allow my strength to shine through-- I can see how much courage and grace you derive from your faith, but honestly, I am having a very hard time accepting all of this. You are such a dear friend--someone I have always felt truly connected to and I am feeling this suffering in the garden very deeply, along with you. I offer you my most sincere friendship and want to pass along supportive words-- at this moment they are wrapped up in thoughts of you and your family. Every time I read your blog-- I think of "raising saints" and know all the while that you are one--thus the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
I love you dearly and pray with every morsel of my being that you remain in Christ's loving arms throughout all of this.

jen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jen said...


You are a wonderful Wife, Mom, Daughter. I am so lucky to call you my friend.
Thank you for courageously sharing this with us, and I am praying with everyone else for your complete recovery.
Love you Suz and hugs and love to your family!

The Coleman Family said...


Just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in our prayers. We have just started a novena to St. Peregrine and will be saying the Prayer for Bishop Alvaro del Portillo's intercession many times each day.

The Coleman Family, Kevin, Kathleen and Joseph

Allaire said...

Dear Suzanne,
I share with you information on
alternatives. There is a conference call tonight Monday 11/23 at 5pm if
you want to call in and just listen: 213.289.0500 code 663983. Have you heard of Kangen water? Please feel free to call me or email me anytime.
Allaire 661.609.1481

DeWayne and Elke said...

Though my wife Elke and I have not had the chance to meet you, we want you to know our prayers are with you and we offer our support. I have known Jay for almost 2 years now at Vivisimo and after spending time with him and reading your blogs, we understand why you are very well admired by your friends and family. I want to share a bog with you that you may not be aware of. Caring for Cathy, we hope you find her story inspiring. She is a survivor and close friend of a friend.

God's Grace,
DeWayne and Elke

The Rodriguez Family said...

Hello my sweet friend,
We just got the news, and I have to truly apologize to you for being out of touch for so long. While I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through right now, I have to tell you how much you have inspired us with your blogs. Your strong faith and positive attitude is like nothing I've ever seen, you are so incredible. We are thinking of you, praying for you, and we love you.

Ron, Andrea, Chloe and Olivia