Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Happy Cancerversary to Me

Well, today it has been two years since I first heard the words, "invasive carcinoma". On Sunday it will be two years since I realized it was stage IV from the beginning. As of now it has been six months since I learned it found its way to the brain. Anniversaries everywhere.

While of course I am so grateful that I have had two years, one and a half of which were almost like living a normal life, the last six months have been very, very difficult. I never knew how debilitating it could be to be so ill, day after day, not being able to care for the basic needs of my family, to be on a chemical roller coaster, to be wondering where it is all going and how much more I can take. Even knowing it is the steroids that are pulling my master strings does not help me cope much some days.

I thank God for my faith without which none of this makes sense (and, truthfully, somehow it is hard to make sense of it even with faith some days--those days are the worst). I am praying hard for strength, energy, unwavering faith and long lasting health. But most of all a cheerful heart and a strong desire to serve God however he wants each day I have.

I could not have made it through these six months without my community of friends and family and the army of meal bringers and laundry helpers and drivers. I am so hopeful I will get better and I can drive again someday soon and sing again, but until them I am learning to accept my limitations, a valuable lesson I am sure.

I know for sure that I am a daughter of God and therefore worthy of basic human dignity whether I can get off the couch or not, but I sure feel more worthy when I can take care of the needs of my family.

So, here's to another two years (and more) with better strength, health, faith and resolve. My scans look good, so here's hoping! Brain lesions be gone and stay away! Liver, hold fast. Lungs, don't even think about it!

Oh, and leg clot? I am SOOOO over you. Go away.

8 comments:

JoanneV59 said...

Dear Suzanne,
After reading many of your posts here and on BCO, I can't imagine a more worthy Daughter of God. You've remained a witness of Him at all times and in all places, especially through this physical trial. It seems to have increased your faith and love for God, family, friends, and gratitude for all your blessings. I pray the desires of your heart will be met, and that you'll feel His tender mercies.

Barb said...

I will pray that the dear Lord will continue to bless you with His peace, strength, and perseverance. You are a beautiful witness to us all...

Annie Bizzi said...

I love you, dear friend--

anna lisa said...

With you Suzanne...
The days you feel the worst, body and soul are the days you are the most productive. Thank you for helping all of us. Your sacrifice is so precious and so appreciated.

Love,

The Lemos Family

Anonymous said...

Happy two years, and wishing you many more ahead!! -AO

Martha said...

Go away indeed. Forever. And go, go, go Herceptin!

Allaire said...

Amen.

Unknown said...

Suze,
You are never far from my thoughts. All of my friends and their church prayer groups have your name and are humbled by your illness, your faith, and your inner beauty. You are a special light for us all.
I pray to be able to accept God decision in this matter and that your faith will help me sustain mine. Love Mary B