Thursday, June 03, 2010


On my way to UCLA on Monday my doctor called me. This is highly unusual, particularly since I had an appointment to see him 30 minutes from then. I didn't figure it could be for any good reason and, indeed, it wasn't.

He proceeded to tell me that he had just learned from the medicine manufacturer that there had been a contamination of silicone in all the medicine of a particular lot, the lot that all of my doses so far had come from. Kindly, he explained that the amount of silicone I received intravenously was 100 times less than the amount known to be toxic to humans but, of course, he had to let me know since it was an unexpected ingredient and because it is probably not generally a good idea to send unregulated silicone coursing through one's circulatory system.

Naturally, I questioned him as to what I might expect, what I should look out for, etc. He did not really know but assured me that any physical complaint I have will be looked at carefully for its possible involvement with this. Bottom line is, he doesn't really expect me to be affected by this one way or the other but did need to let me know.

Later, when I saw him in the office, he half-jokingly said that he hoped it wasn't the silicone that had caused my tumors to shrink. He went on to explain that, really, oncology was all about injecting people with toxic chemicals in the hopes that they will kill the cancer without killing the patient. So, there is nothing revolutionary about being infused with silicone, even accidentally, and perhaps it has even contributed to the positive effect this medicine has had one me. In fact, he went so far as to ask the manufacturer to hold rather than discard this lot in case the efficacy drops with the removal of the silicone. Educated trial and error, that's what it all is at the end of the day.

As for me, I am not alarmed in the slightest about this turn of events, simply because of what my alternative is. Would I have skipped receiving this medicine if I had known? NO! Would I stop taking it now because I think the manufacturer might make a similar mistake? NO! This medicine is not a "nice to have". It is keeping me alive, additives and all, so I have no beef. As part of his legal obligation to me, my doctor had to formally ask me if I now wished to be removed from the trial. I actually laughed.

So, I am now thinking of all the great things that might come of having a body full of silicone. Well-oiled joints? Veins like slip-n-slides? A heart that just got a great lube job? Who knows? But it's kind of exciting to be a guinea pig.


Jason Schalow said...

Happy to see another blog post...thought you might have been abducted by aliens or something!

Agree that a little silicone probably won't hurt anything. Who knows -- that combined with the radioactive glucose, etc might, in combination, cause you to develop some kind of mutant super power...

In fact, maybe I will add that to my prayer list as well. Don't worry, I won't bother Bishop Portillo with it...maybe Chesterton? He certainly has the sense of humor for it and I think he's likely up there too. If you started being able to, say, see through walls or light things on fire with your eyes it would definitely earn him a statue on the St. Peter's collonade...

So, let me know what specific mutant special ability you'd prefer and I'll start working on it.


Jay Di Silvestri said...

I'm guessing she would like Telekinesis, this way she could fold laundry and clean rooms while resting in bed. Not sure who the patron of Telekinesis is, but perhaps you know.

I do not know if there is a name for the power to locate your kids shoes, but that would be very useful as well

Jen Savard said...

Some people pay thousands of dollars to put silicone in their bodies. We have plenty of that variety of silicone here in Texas, especially in Dallas! :)

Jason Schalow said...


According to Butler's Lives of the Saints:

"Saint Martín de Porres (December 9, 1579—November 3, 1639) To help Martin serve the poor and needy, God blessed him with miraculous powers of bilocation, of being able to pass through closed doors (teleportation), and of levitation, according to Alban."

Not an exact match for the telekenisis, but as bilocation still lets you do laundry *and* be in bed at the same time -- and as the kids certainly count as both poor and needy, I'm calling it a match anyway.

As for finding kid's shoes -- that is definitely a sub-department of St. Anthony. As the latin for kids is 'pueri' and the latin for shoes is 'calcei', I'll coin the catchy term 'puerocalceilocation'.

No copyright, free for your use.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow! Well, I guess you never know... maybe it could help! =)

Anonymous said...

You guys are silly. St. T of Avila DID say "God save us from sad saints." Or something like that. By the way, I just read that Teresa of Calcutta needs one more miracle--So what happens if you ask SEVERAL heavy hitters for a miracle? Other than the obvious answer WHO gets the credit???