Thursday, June 24, 2010

It's All Part of Nailing the Cancer, I Guess

I have had it pretty easy through this whole cancer thing. A little fatigue, a little nausea, some worst, it's been like the intense part of first trimester pregnancy. I recently told a friend that I have managed to contract the Disney version of Stage IV cancer, if there is a such a thing, and for this I am truly grateful.

HOWEVER, today I feel the need to log my first real complaint about all of this. This week, after treatment 10, my fingernails have suddenly betrayed me. I know, I know, you are thinking, "Seriously, is she really going to complain about her FINGERNAILS when she is giving cancer a fatal blow with minimal side effects?" Well, yes, I am. And then I'm going to feel ashamed about it later.

I have always had strong, long fingernails. This was true even before my pregnancies, but childbearing served to enhance their growth and strength further. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was proud of my fingernails, but I will say that I had come to comfortably rely on them as tools. I used them to pry things open, parse and cut things and generally make my life easier.

This has all ended for me. All of a sudden, my nails have begun bending backward, splitting to the quick and breaking off, from simple activities such as rotating the laundry or even reaching for my shoes. So, today, I mourned their loss and cut them all back to the quick. Sniff.

As I gaze at my stubby fingers or find myself reaching for a knife to do the job I once could do unassisted I will try my hardest to remember how lucky I am in all other aspects of this. But I'm allowed a brief mourning period for this small sign of my loss of health, aren't I?

I thought you'd agree.


Bianca said...

well as a person who never really had long lush fingernails....welcome to the club! Getting someone else to open a can of soda isn't too bad, besides did they really need it anyway? Hang in there! You are so loved and prayed for each and everyday!

Karin McAdams said...

Well, I do agree. I remember feeling highly put out when my chemo would suddenly spring a new symptom on me. One I remember was when after about three months my hands and feet suddenly went numb and tingly, and I thought I was getting MS on top of the cancer! I was still annoyed about that one months later By the way, it did get better and now I only notice it when I'm thinking about it.
Complain on!

nutmeg said...

Please complain about your fingernails. It convinces me that you are still human, like the rest of us.
Continued prayers!!