Yes, sir, right here at UCLA Santa Monica hospital where I have been a distinguished guest since Monday.
So, to all of you with unreturned phone calls thank yous or emails, overdue bills or forms, or anything else offensive, please forgive me because that's a pretty good excuse in my humble opinion. Plus, I was really, really sick for the week or two before I got here, so it has been awhile since I have been able to have anything close to a normal day. Now that the requisite apology (for something over which I am completely unable to control) is over, I can let you know what is going on.
I can't eat. Very little stays down, and getting a bite of anything in at all is at times agonizing. I am nauseous nearly all the time (after 7 pregnancies I KNOW nausea, and this is right up there with the worst I ever experienced with even Joey in the first 28 weeks which was really bad). Obviously, this is a problem which, if we don't get a rather quick handle on, could be very bad.
So, here I am, where so far they have threaded an eggbeater down my neck with wire (or was it inserted through the incision in the back of my knee? I am unsure). It was incredibly disconcerting when they turned on the egg beater and it felt like Magic Fingers on the INSIDE of the leg. Really, really strange. I begged them to take that twilight anesthesia and turn it into a drug-induced coma, but their need to communicate with me during the procedure unfortunately precluded this. Next, we tracked two cups of barium as they traveled down my gastrointestinal tract, taking pictures along the way like tourists riding down the Grand Canyon on donkeys. Then came the chest CT to check on the pneumonia which turned out to be of limited use due to my inability to keep down the contrast. Then came the brain MRI to see if any new or different metastases there are causing it. Certainly we are hoping it is not that.
In the meantime, we have been going through every anti nausea med known to mankind to see if we can find something that can stand it's ground against this beast of a nausea I have going on. Finally, yesterday we found one that worked and I ate nearly normally today. Great news and I don't remember feeling as well as I did today in months since I am fully hydrated, had good nutrition in me, took a shower and even walked a bit.
The doctors will come and talk to us tomorrow about test results, and I know I will be having at least one more not-fun test on Monday. I never expected to be in the hospital this long and the whole thing is a little scary (could not do this without faith and trust in God, as it's hard enough WITH those things!). Please continue to pray for me and my family, especially the kids who I miss so much and I know miss me too.
As always, I am thankful to those who have literally moved into our house so Jay can be with me during the scariest parts and the kids can still get to school and sports and all. You will all be happy, I'm sure, to see Briana is guest blogging so at least there will be information when I cannot post. It was so nice to spend time with Jay tonight as I muddled through some of my fears about death and dying, potentially leaving the kids, etc. We ended up playing Rack-O and had so much fun. That is the stuff life is about at the end of the day.
I am praying for a long life, to see my kids grow up and for a good quality of life, only recently of which I have become aware is critically Important to someone in cancer treatment. Some treatments are more than tolerable while some are simply brutal. The next few weeks will bring many decisions for Jay and me and my doctors as we decide how to treat the cancer going forward. God's will be done and may we make the best, most informed choices we can make!