I have had it pretty easy through this whole cancer thing. A little fatigue, a little nausea, some anemia...at worst, it's been like the intense part of first trimester pregnancy. I recently told a friend that I have managed to contract the Disney version of Stage IV cancer, if there is a such a thing, and for this I am truly grateful.
HOWEVER, today I feel the need to log my first real complaint about all of this. This week, after treatment 10, my fingernails have suddenly betrayed me. I know, I know, you are thinking, "Seriously, is she really going to complain about her FINGERNAILS when she is giving cancer a fatal blow with minimal side effects?" Well, yes, I am. And then I'm going to feel ashamed about it later.
I have always had strong, long fingernails. This was true even before my pregnancies, but childbearing served to enhance their growth and strength further. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was proud of my fingernails, but I will say that I had come to comfortably rely on them as tools. I used them to pry things open, parse and cut things and generally make my life easier.
This has all ended for me. All of a sudden, my nails have begun bending backward, splitting to the quick and breaking off, from simple activities such as rotating the laundry or even reaching for my shoes. So, today, I mourned their loss and cut them all back to the quick. Sniff.
As I gaze at my stubby fingers or find myself reaching for a knife to do the job I once could do unassisted I will try my hardest to remember how lucky I am in all other aspects of this. But I'm allowed a brief mourning period for this small sign of my loss of health, aren't I?
I thought you'd agree.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
well as a person who never really had long lush fingernails....welcome to the club! Getting someone else to open a can of soda isn't too bad, besides did they really need it anyway? Hang in there! You are so loved and prayed for each and everyday!
Well, I do agree. I remember feeling highly put out when my chemo would suddenly spring a new symptom on me. One I remember was when after about three months my hands and feet suddenly went numb and tingly, and I thought I was getting MS on top of the cancer! I was still annoyed about that one months later By the way, it did get better and now I only notice it when I'm thinking about it.
Complain on!
Suzanne~
Please complain about your fingernails. It convinces me that you are still human, like the rest of us.
:P
Continued prayers!!
Post a Comment