Feeling It

Yes, indeed, for the past few days I have been feeling as if I actually do have a serious illness. Most of the time I don't feel much more than tired and nauseous, but yesterday and today have been at a new level. Yesterday I slept 18 hours. Really. 18! I didn't know a person could sleep that much. Today I got out of bed only to shower, and was so weak and chilled by the end of it that I had to wonder if I wasn't better off grimy.

I learned at my last treatment that I am moderately anemic, so much so that there was some discussion as to whether or not treatment could proceed. Happily, my oncologist is all about killing cancer and he is on a mission with me, so he barely hesitated, slowing only to take another six buckets of blood from me to try to pinpoint the cause so he can treat it most effectively. Yes, I like this man. For those of you number folks or medical types, a healthy red blood range is 11 or 12 to 18 and mine has been steadily declining to its new low of 8.7. Apparently at 8.0 it becomes "severe" and lots of unpleasantries begin so we're hoping to hold her steady here. Probably not coincidentally, my oncologist is currently conducting a clinical trial on anemia during chemotherapy, so once again I am in the right place at the right time. Funny how this keeps happening, eh?

Happily, I am "feeling it" in another way too. My affected breast now feels so normal that I would not think to seek medical attention for it if I woke up with it for the first time today. In fact, I probably wouldn't even notice it unless I was pretty dilligent in a self exam. So, I may be feeling a wreck, but clearly so is the cancer. I believe the clock has been turned back on it somewhere in the neighborhood of 9 months in just four weeks. That's a miracle i'd willingly feel just about anything for.