Coming Soon: The Next Death-Defying Drop on the Roller Coaster of Cancer

For a very long time I have been enjoying a period of only minor irritations resulting from my ongoing treatment.  There has been a brain tumor, if you have been following along, that has grown slightly over several MRIs but not enough to be a concern.  Recently, it has grown more substantially and has snuck up to 13mm.  Therefore, it is time to do something about it.

I am still feeling pretty well and am nearly clear systemically, but am struggling a bit with short-term memory issues and balance due to the location of this particular tumor.  My wonderful oncologist referred me to a neuro oncologist who took his time reviewing all my previous brain scans and radiation records to decide what the best thing is to do.  As I have already had a decent amount of radiation to my brain and am doing so well in the rest of my body, the doctors are being extremely careful to ensure my long term health while attacking the tumor effectively.  I am so blessed to have the care I have.

The net-net of all this is that I will be having a procedure on Friday called the Gamma Knife.  This is a high dose of radiation that is extremely accurate--sub-milimeter, in fact.  And how do they get that kind of accuracy, you might ask.  Of course, I am happy to tell you.

I am going to be the lucky wearer of a titanium frame that will be fixed to my skull, under the skin, with large screws.  Medieval, don't you think?  This image is not for the faint hearted so I won't put it directly on the blog, but if you want to see what I will look like on Friday, click here.

Of course, I plan to wear it MUCH better than that dear gentleman (although I admit that he looks quite stoic).  I have plans to adorn it with ribbons, bows and maybe even a decorative bird's nest.  If I have to sport that thing all day, I must make it mine!

Ok, not really.  But this is how I entertain myself while awaiting a procedure such as this.  Why not have some fun with it?

At any rate, aside from being restricted from driving for a few days (just in case I have any seizures, but highly unlikely) and spending a few days substantially fatigued, I shouldn't experience much in the way of side effects from this and will likely be back to myself within the week.  Let's hope we can avoid killing any more brain cells than necessary because goodness knows I need every one I have left!

Mostly, I am just grateful that I am still at a point where something can be done about it and that I have such a great medical team.  Thank you all for your continued prayers, they are really what is getting me through all this with such a peaceful heart.

On another, yet completely related note, Don Alvaro del Portillo will be beatified in Madrid on September 27th.  As many of you know, I have been praying for his intercession in this matter since day one and believe he has helped me greatly in beating the odds thus far.  God willing, I will be attending the ceremony in Madrid with some friends from LA.

Thank you again for supporting and following me and my family.  Here's hoping I have the energy to post a successful post-report over the weekend!

In Case You Were Wondering What Is Wrong With Our World...

Check out the blog "I Look Down on Women with Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry" by Amy Glass, and you will have no doubt.

In a word, it is selfishness.

This poor woman has no idea what real happiness is, which only comes from devoting oneself to others.  She may experience the thrill of accomplishment that comes with a big job and lots of money, but we run-of-the mill moms know what a temporary satisfaction that is.

Real happiness comes from sitting with your six year old and hearing her successfully work out a word that you know she has never seen and isn't even phonetic.  It comes from planning and preparing your husband's favorite meal when you would way rather take a nap.  It is found in organizing your son's messy room so he will grin with delight when he comes home and can find all his lego figures in one place.  It is in remembering on your way home from the store that your daughter asked you to buy some ridiculous snack and turning around to run in and get it just to please her.

True joy is watching your child turn from a newborn into a person with a beautiful and generous character.  It is overhearing your 5 year old praying for other people.  It is in sharing the peace of Christ with someone who was previously missing it.  It is knowing you made a real difference in another person's life.

Sorry to tell you, Amy, but backpacking through Asia by myself is not even on my list.  It would be a complete waste of my time, which is far better spent walking the dog with my family.  You say, "You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids."  I couldn't disagree more.  We wives and moms ARE exceptional to our husband and children. Irreplaceable, really.

You may accomplish great things during your life as far as this world is concerned, but at the end of it all, you will find yourself with the only thing that has ever been important to you:  yourself.  Your work will disappear with you at the end of your life, but the work of us "average" moms will live on for eternity.

Enough said.

Fun in the Snow

From Left:

Tony, Rebecca, Julia, me (!), Lindsey

For the past week we have been nestled in a beautiful cabin in South Lake Tahoe, together with our dear friends the Pults.  It has been a wonderful week of skiing (really, more snowboarding--the youth have officially defected), ice skating, movies, sledding, snow play, board games, hot chocolate, and warm fires.

During this vacation week Tony, Bella and Julia all learned to snowboard, and pretty well at that.  Only Bella took a lesson (at our insistence); the other two just strapped the board on and climbed on a lift.  Even Jay tried to snowboard but switched back to skis before noon.  Lindsey remembered how to ski after a break of several years and is our only child who has bucked the snowboard trend.  Natalie had a lot of fun playing in the snow, sledding and tubing, but will wait another year before we put her on the slopes.

One of the best parts for me was that I was able to ski a half-day!  I have not been skiing for more than a decade, certainly not since my cancer diagnosis, and I thought I would never ski again.  The day Lindsey decided she wanted to try skiing again (she didn't love it the first few times she went, but now she is loving it)  I felt quite well, so I rented some skis and went with her.  I made about 5 runs, one from the very top of the mountain to the base, and to my complete surprise I did not fall at all (recall the balance issues I have struggled with since my whole brain radiation).    I had such a nice time skiing with Lindsey and realizing that I could still do it after all my body has been through.  I used muscles I forgot I had, and it felt great.  Absolutely everyone enjoyed this trip.

As wonderfully as it all turned out, it did not start out promisingly.  While we were driving up the beautiful 395, we received a text from the Pults, who had arrived first at the cabin we had rented in Incline Village for the week.  When they pulled up, the saw water running down the driveway and quickly realized a pipe had burst some number of days earlier and the house was completely uninhabitable.  What to do?!  Lake Tahoe, the week between Christmas and New Years...seriously?!  How could we find something for 13 people that was somewhat reasonable and available immediately?

We scrambled, we prayed, we tried everything we could think of.  Craig's list, property management companies, with no luck.  Short-term relief came when Tina's boss offered his cabin for two nights, but we would have to evacuate after that as it was going to be occupied by another family after that.  Then we remembered that our friends Dave and Renee (friends from Hastings, roommates and best man in our wedding) had bought a cabin in Tahoe a few years back.  Even though we had not talked to them in a while, we boldly called and asked if they might be able to help us.  They were on the East Coast yet happily overnighted the key to us so we could finish our week in their lovely home.  It couldn't have been more perfect and we are so very grateful to them for their trust in us.

Five minutes in, Natalie found a brand new toy she wanted to play with (they have three kids all within our kids' ages) and ripped open the box without thinking.  We were mortified until we remembered the miracle of Amazon and ordered a replacement which arrived before we left and was put back exactly where the original was found.  Other than that, we did not do any harm, thank goodness!

Here are some photos of our trip.  We wish you all a happy New Year!

Bella

Joey

Natalie

(Somehow, I don't have a picture of Sam or Kyle, but I think it is because I hardly saw them, such a blur they were on the slopes and on the ice!)

To God, Papa Don, A Dios

Jay's dad died on Friday morning, December 6, at 84 years of age.

He lived in Mexico for many years, so we were not with him at the time of his passing, but his wife Carmen was.  By her account, it was peaceful, and we are so glad.  We were blessed to have a visit from them less than two months ago, and were able to appreciate that it was probably the last time we would see him, at least in this world.

For some reason we cannot explain, Joey called him Papa Don, right from the start.  All the other grandparents are called Grandma or Grandpa, but Don was "Papa", by Joey's young authority.  The kids loved visits from Papa Don and Carmen even though they were few and far between.  Some of the kids  (Sam most recently in July) had the chance to go visit him in Mexico.  Jay talked to him every week, if not more often.

This is the first grandparent our kids have lost (yes, they are fortunate in that), so it was a shock for them.  Nearly all of them cried and that was very hard to see.

Jay and I took a quick trip to Guadalajara last week to attend his funeral mass and to inter his cremains.  His earthly body is at rest in a beautiful church right on the shore of Lake Chapala.  I am so happy we were able to go, as the mass was beautiful, with a children's choir accompanying and absolutely stunning flowers.  All of Carmen's family members were there and it was very clear how much Don had been loved and cared for by them all.  That gave us great joy and comfort to see.

Don gave Jay many gifts...his love for good bread, wine, opera and entertaining.  He also taught Jay to be sure the person working behind the Italian deli counter, if not the owner, was actually qualified to make his sandwich.  To this day he questions young employees on how exactly they plan to put together his meal and how thin the meat will be sliced.  Lord help them if they mention mayonaise at any point during the conversation!

Don was the first in his family to attend college and he graduated proudly from USC.  Up until the very end he loved his Trojans and never missed a televised football game to my knowledge, even after his move to Mexico.  He loved to talk with people everywhere he went about every topic under the sun and enjoyed little more than a leisurely meal with deep conversation.  He was fearless, retiring to Mexico knowing little of the language and not a soul in the city he chose.  He became fluent in Spanish entirely on his own and figured out how to buy property, take care of his residency requirements and make a faithful circle of friends.  Not many people I know would have that kind of bravery. He built a nice life for himself there and enjoyed his last years very much.  We wish he hadn't moved so far from us, but are very happy that he was content.

We will have a memorial mass for Don at Sacred Heart Church in Lancaster on Saturday, January 11 at noon.  All are welcome.

We will miss you Don, but are confident that we shall see you again in the kingdom of heaven.  May you rest in peace.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

This week marks four years that I have been living with metastatic cancer.

The most remarkable thing about this (well, OK, maybe not the MOST remarkable), is that I completely forgot my own Cancerversary!  A dear friend, who happened to be with me the evening of my diagnosis but now lives far away, emailed me and reminded me!  For the last three years, I have been counting the years very carefully, having a minor celebration with my family each time I hit another year.  So imagine how shocked I was to realized that I hadn't even given it a thought this year! Just goes to show how life goes on after awhile, with the regular cancer treatments becoming as normal as dental cleanings and the side effects just a part of who you are now.

The REALLY most remarkable thing is that I am still here and doing so amazingly well that I couldn't even be bothered to remember such a significant date in my life.  When I was diagnosed, my doctor, wisely, would not give me an expected life span.  I later learned that only 20% of Stage IV Breast Cancer Patients are alive after 5 years.  Now, I don't want to count my chickens before they're hatched, but I am quite hopeful that a year from now I will be a part of that 20%.  Did I mention that patients who receive an Omaya Reservoir (a brain port) survive, on average, 28 days after receiving it?  Mine was put in two years ago this month.

Clearly, there is more than medical technology (although I certainly don't discredit that!) going on here.  As anyone who has read this blog for awhile well knows, the day I learned I was metastatic (and gravely ill) I was given a prayer card for Don Alvaro del Portillo, the successor to Saint Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei.  I began asking for his intercessory prayers that day and most every day since.  During the past four years he has not only become Venerable, but will be beatified in 2014, as Pope Francis recently announced.  And the Vatican doesn't even know about me yet!  Since receiving that card I have read all about his life and have read many things he wrote.  I have no doubt he has God's ear and has been whispering pleas for me all this time.  Thank you, Lord, for listening!

And to those many, many beautiful souls that have been petitioning God on my behalf, either directly or through the intercession of others, I thank you for the hammock of peace that you have placed me in during this time of ups and downs.  Prayer works, it really does, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for every prayers said on my behalf.  I pray for you, too.

I also pray for the 80% that will not survive five years.  I am well aware that these are fallen soldiers in this battle, from whom many things are learned that benefit those of us still living with cancer.

Ironically, I am writing this from the infusion room where I sit receiving my every-three-week Kadcyla and my Intrathecal (in the brain port) Herceptin.  The advances made during the last ten years in cancer treatment are allowing people like me to live a longer time with a better quality of life.  What I am really hoping is not so much that I beat the odds, but that the odds change significantly for Stage IV patients.

From where I sit (literally, in my infusion chair), I am very hopeful for the future!

Never Again!

Well, maybe one more time.

Meet Montana, the newest Di Silvestri dog.  She is a rescue dog, five or six years old and very sweet.  She doesn't have a whole lot of manners yet, and the cats despise her, but we love her.  We just couldn't help ourselves.

We were considering getting another dog sometime in the next few months, but we had all agreed that we did not want another Mastiff.  Although they have sweet dispositions and are great with kids, they tend to have health problems and don't live very long.  We did not want our kids to have to suffer another loss so soon.

However.  Sometimes things you are not looking for find you.  Montana was taken from her abusive owners by some women who train dogs for movie roles.  One of these women is a friend of the mom of one of Julia's friends.  When she heard about this dog needing a loving home, she remembered we had recently lost a Mastiff and were one of the few families she knew that was well-set up to receive a rescue dog like Montana.  Someone is almost always home, there are lots of people to pay attention to her, and we already understand the character of these large but gentle beasts.  So, they brought her over to meet us.

One minute was all it took.

I was the most resistant of all to the idea of another Mastiff.  However, when this scarred, broken and skinny dog came up to me, shaking like a leaf, she buried her head in my lap and found her way right into my heart.  She is my dog, more than anyone else's, and follows me everywhere I go.  She is not allowed upstairs because she has an unhealthy interest in the cats, so I have moved most of my desk operations downstairs to spend more time with her.  She wants to be a lap dog and is absolutely starved for affection.  When I stop rubbing her head, she pushes back into my hand and tries to get between me and anything else I am paying attention to that doesn't include her.

This poor dog was so mistreated.  She was chained to a fence most of her life and had terrible scarring around her neck from trying to pull away.  When the trainers took her from her owners she had a foul smelling infection and a broken rib.  She is fairly healthy now and prances around on her leash, but still has a lot of weight to gain (and doesn't eat much yet, which concerns me a bit) and plenty of manners to learn.  I am finding it is difficult to teach an old dog new tricks, though it is nearly impossible to get mad at her since no one ever taught her any better.  She is completely house broken, thank goodness, and doesn't bark much.  She is definitely a keeper.

We won't have her for long, given her age, but she is an unexpected blessing for us right now.  You know what they say..."If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."  Montana was not in our plans, but here she is!  And we are glad.

A Nagging Theme In My Life

Et tu, fortune cookie?  Et tu?

Aint Nobody Got Time for Dat!

Here is the long-delayed revealing of what is happening with the tumor in my femur...in case anyone is interested.

After an X-Ray and an MRI of my right proximal femur, it appears that there is no risk for fracture and that the tumor is deep in the marrow, which may be painful but is not likely to break my bone at this time.  It is a fairly large tumor, 3 inches long.  Radiation was recommended for pain management.

Not too long ago I would have jumped right on the radiation table and been ready to kill that spot, but things have changed.  My attitude toward this cancer has become one of more or less peaceful co-existence rather than my former desire to kill, kill, kill.  Don't get me wrong, I would be thrilled to see every last bit of it gone from my body, but since that is unlikely to happen, I am working with what I have.

Yes, my leg hurts, sometimes a lot, but many days it doesn't hurt at all.  After I verified with my oncologist that her recommendation to radiate was for pain only and not for a medically necessary reason, I happily declined.  I've become relatively casual about cancer in the bones, because it is not going to kill me.  Soft tissue organs are another story altogether, but for now all of those except the brain are totally clear.

I am way too busy to deal with radiation fatigue right now.   Fall is beyond crazy, with three football teams, a competitive gymnast, and two soccer teams, not to mention confirmation prep, two scout troops, band, choir, reading club and four different schools!  Throw in a husband who is gone more than he is home lately (not really complaining about that, we are blessed he has a good job) and you can see that I CAN NOT get sick.  Or tired.  Or spend 14 days straight driving to LA for radiation. There is just no way.

So, I have made a pact with the cancer:  Don't bother me further and I won't radiate you for now.  Good deal for us both, I think (though I am still waiting for confirmation from the cancer that it is on board with this).  I am very happy to be in a place of peace with this disease where I can choose quality of life over trying to completely eliminate it at any cost.

What the cancer doesn't yet know is that I am going back on TDM-1, now FDA approved and called Kadcyla.  The drug that worked so well for me at first diagnosis on a clinical trial is back in my life and I am really excited!  I was taken off the study when my brain mets appeared (even though it is not meant to cross the blood/brain barrier) but now that it is a real, marketable drug, I am hoping it does the same thing it did the first time I used it.  I hope it will knock back these bone mets so I don't need any radiation at all.  Sorry, cancer, but all's fair in war, right?

So that's the latest.  Everybody got time for dat!

She's Ready, Promotion, She's Ready, Promotion!

(Only Sponge Bob fans will truly appreciate this title)

At Valley View elementary you only have a parent/teacher conference if you or the teacher requests it.  So when I received a request from Natalie's teacher, I thought, "Uh-oh...something is not going well!"

Imagine my surprise, then, when she recommended that Natalie be promoted out of Transitional Kindergarten (which is for 4 year olds born between Oct 1 and Dec 2) to regular Kindergarten.  She is doing so well that her teacher thinks she should move up!

My plan was to send her to TK this year then to regular Kindergarten next year.  As you may recall, I chose TK over a second year of preschool because I thought she was ready.  I guess that was a good decision.

I told her wonderful teacher of this plan and she said she would be surprised if Natalie needed to repeat Kindergarten. She offered to write up testing results and a recommendation attesting to her readiness for first grade at the time of her application to Sacred Heart if appropriate.

I have mixed feelings about this, but am mostly leaning toward the happy side.  I know she is sharp and that she likes to be challenged.  I certainly don't want her to fester and grow bored when she is so eager to learn.  On the other hand, I skipped a grade myself and graduated from high school at 16.  I grew up a little faster than my peers and am not sure I want that for Natalie, although with a December 1 birthday she will not be nearly as young as I was.  I'm sure the correct answer will be obvious come Spring when I need to decide.

Whichever way it goes, I am happy she was asked, so I just had to share it.

Puzzlement

Here in Lancaster for several years:

Recently opened right across the street:

How do you choose?!

Mass Confusion

Scan time again already!  I've just received the news on my tri-annual Pet/CT scan and my bi-monthly Brain MRI.

The news this time is mixed, but basically good.  My lungs, liver and abdomen are all clear.  On the other side of the ledger, one of my brain tumors has slightly increased again (2nd scan in a row) and the previously noted femur tumor is highly active, yet presenting as if it is confused about who and what it is.

A month or so ago I started having what I thought was hip pain.  As it turns out, the pain is actually coming from the bone lesion on my right proximal femur.  I mentioned it to my oncologist and since I already had a PET/CT scan scheduled for the following week, she decided to wait and see what it showed.

I was not surprised at all when the PET came back with news that the femur lesion was worsening, both in size and in intensity.  That lesion has been hanging out for awhile but has never caused me pain until now and, in fact, showed healing four months ago.  The strange thing is that the PET significantly flagged this spot, yet the CT didn't even mention it,  only noted another lesion on the sacrum that seems to be healing.

My doctor sent me right away for an X-Ray to see what is going on.  The X-Ray was inconclusive.  There is no evidence of a pending fracture (yay), yet there is a "suspicious area" nonetheless.  Our next step is an MRI of my right upper leg and hip to see what is really happening.  I don't know why this is proving so difficult to nail down but I am definitely anxious to settle the matter.

This is the first real veer off the healing track that I've had in quite some time and I continue to feel very positive and optimistic about where I am overall.  As I've mentioned often, bone mets won't kill me, just bother me.  Nevertheless, I am feeling the winds of change and believe more radiation and a medication adjustment are in my near future.  Not great for my energy level but certainly worth trying to beat this back before it turns into a raging wildfire.

Here's hoping that the brain tumor stops its slow growth and that we can get a clear picture of what is going on in my leg!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

It's official.  The preschool days are behind me.  Today is the first time in 15 years that I have not had a child at home during the day.  I never thought it would happen, but somehow it has.  I now have six hours, five days a week. All. By. Myself.

YAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Don't get me wrong, I really love my kids.  I look forward to spending time with them, especially with one or two of them at a time.  I rarely go anywhere without inviting a subset to come with me for one-on-one or two-on-one time.  I am a mother who prefers summer to the school year simply because we can hang out without the pressure of homework and packing lunches and getting seven children out of bed, dressed and organized properly before 7:15.  I'm exhausted just writing it!

Nevertheless.  I am looking at my desk piled high, baskets full of rarely-used toys and drawers full of clothes that no longer fit and I am SO EXCITED that I finally have time to devote to organizing my home!

Mostly.

If you know me, though, you can probably guess the very first thing I did when faced with this reality. That's right, I got fingerprinted, TB tested, and Virtus trained so I could volunteer at their schools for the first time ever.

And maybe I'll actually get organized too.

World Travelers

My kids are really getting around this summer.  One after another, I have seen them off and welcomed them back from their sometimes exotic locales and wonder how they got to be so lucky!

First to go were Lindsey and Julia, who were fortunate enough to go with their grandmother (Jay's mom) on a twelve day cruise from Venice, Italy through Croatia, Greece, Egypt, Israel and other exotic ports most of us will probably never see.  The trip dovetailed nicely with things they had learned in school, particularly about Egypt and the Holy Land, and our entry hall table is now adorned with a photo of the girls riding a camel.  Fun!

Sam went next, on a road trip with his grandmother (my mom) to Carlsbad, New Mexico. There he visited his great uncle, rode his go-kart around the ranch, canoed in the pond and generally ran around like an 11 year old boy should.  On the way, he visited pueblos, saw the caverns and the painted desert and plenty of cacti.

Following this,  Sam (again!) and Jay were off to Guadalajara and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  They had a great time rappelling through the jungle, parasailing, and visiting with Jay's dad and his wife who live just outside of Guadalajara.

Meanwhile, Julia went to a week of gymnastics camp at Woodward West (a foreign land inhabited by extreme sports enthusiasts).  Soon after, both Lindsey and Julia went to Pathfinder leadership camp just outside of Idyllwild/Mountain Center where, unfortunately, their week was cut short by an evacuation due to the massive wildfire burning just a few miles from their camp.  I tell you, the excitement never ends around here.  Nevertheless, they managed to have a wonderful time anyway and are looking forward to going back next year.

Last but certainly not least, Joey is currently in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil attending World Youth Day with a group from his school.  By what I can gather from his texts and the Facebook page the group is updating along the way, it is the experience of a lifetime.   I am so happy he can have this chance to be surrounded by at least a million other young people from all over the world who are on fire with their faith and I pray that the fruits of this excursion last a lifetime.

For my part, I am happy to be at home (I've done my share of running around this year as well, as you know!) feeding whoever is here, keeping an eye on swimming children for hours on end, doling out popsicles by the handful, and watching lots and lots of movies with my kids during this blessed time of no homework.

Also staying put with me back at the homestead, Tony is feeling like he is old enough to have a trip of his own as all of the older kids have had.  Having just turned 8 he may be almost ready, but not this year.  Bella and Natalie haven't yet begun asking about when they might have a turn.  They are content for now to have a little time alone with me each week (breakfast out, a trip to the store, etc.) and to have friends over to swim and spend the night as often as possible.

School will begin again in just two weeks for three of the kids, and I am already mourning the passing of this very short summer.  Where did it go?

But, oh, the places they went!

Rest in Peace

Trooper Di Silvestri

August 2006-July 9, 2013

Dear Trooper,

Today you left us and went to another place where good dogs go.  I'm not sure where that is, but I know that, wherever you are, you are feeling much better than when you were here.  The last few days have been rough on us all, but especially on you.  You were miserable, and I am happy that you are no longer suffering.

When you were full of life, I liked to go on and on about how disgusting you were with your viscous drool, snoring and terrible odor, but I really did love you a lot.  You were a wonderful dog and always so careful with my kids and friendly with people who came to visit.  I will always remember how the greatest gift you could bestow on someone arriving at the house was a stuffed animal or shoe.  You always seemed so proud to bring over this offering, although you never voluntarily gave it to whomever you presented it.  I had to wash many, many things that were covered with drool due to this sweet quirk of yours.

Last night, all the kids but Sam got to say goodbye to you, and I am so glad they did.  Sam is in Mexico right now with the person who loved you most on this earth...Jay.  They are so sad that they could not say goodbye, but I am also glad that they did not have to see you suffer as the rest of us did.  We all cried today in sorrow over losing you.

The last few weeks have been pretty humiliating for you, I know.  So, out of respect, I choose only to remember you as the strong, happy dog who accompanied me on walks through the desert, chasing jack rabbits in a spectacular burst of energy only to fall back, exhausted, after a brief engagement.  You always seemed so surprised that you couldn't catch one!

I am honored that I could hold your head while you went to sleep for the last time, and kiss your furry brow as you departed this world.  Thank you for being our dog.  We will never forget you.

Quotes of the Day

I know you love these...

During the 45 minutes I spent getting a massive dreadlock out of the bottom (most sensitive) layer of 6 year old Bella's hair this afternoon, she was inquiring about my progress.  I explained that I had sectioned it to make it easier to get through, but that now we were working on the nasty, snarling beast of all the sections.  So she says...

"You mean the teenager one?"

Priceless.. right?!


As an added bonus,  I have a keen observation from the teenage realm to share as well.  After several friends spent the night this weekend, Lindsey proclaimed, "Things have really changed.  When my friends came over before they used to say, "What do you want to do?" but now the first thing they say is, "What's your Wi-Fi password?""

I love my kids.

Oh, and by the way, I love my husband too.  Happy anniversary, Jay (yesterday)!  18 years and still the best decision I ever dragged you into!

Theology Class

Greetings from the general area of Culpeper, Virginia!  I am on a six day workshop at the beautiful Longlea Conference Center in a land of moist green hills, rivers and, yes, giant bugs.  This desert dweller is not used to any of these things and has passed many a night here staring in fascination at the fireflies glowing off and on outside of her windows.  Seriously, I have never seen fireflies before outside of "Pirates of the Caribbean"and I find them absolutely fascinating.

I am quite lucky to be receiving a moral theology course from a fantastic and brilliant priest, in fact, the same priest who taught me theology a year ago outside of Boston.  As my head is much clearer this year, I am in a better place to absorb these big ideas that are so important to truly understanding Catholic teaching.

This is the back view of the house where most of the activities take place.    A great environment to find peace and understanding, don't you agree?

And this is the view from those steps you see:

And have I mention the food?  Three beautifully prepared, delicious and perfectly presented meals each day make this a busy mom's heaven on earth.  The joy of being so nicely cared for reminds me to care for my own family better.

It would be enough to come for the surroundings, but that is not even close to the best part.  The truly amazing 21 women I have met here, the things I have learned about our faith and how I can apply them to my life, and the encouragement I have received to continue in my swim upstream in today's cultural river are the real treat.  I would be lost without the spiritual formation I receive from Opus Dei.

I have reached a point with my illness where it is no longer the overwhelming drama it once was.  It has gradually taken its place as just another one of the various characteristics that make me who I am: wife to the best husband ever, mother of seven, likes to sing, dabbles in blogging, living with cancer, has a giant dog, enjoys cookies...and so on.  This is a blessing indeed.

So now that my spiritual life is tuned up and my health is improving, my next challenge is exercise.  Sigh.  Even when I was perfectly healthy, I avoided it at all costs.  Nevertheless, my doctor, who has been right about everything so far, seems to think it is important that I introduce myself to it.  Something about healthy cells and rehabilitation, energy and cognitive function, blah, blah, blah.  Redouble your prayers, people, because I'm gonna need them if I have any chance at succeeding in this endeavor.

Tomorrow I leave this little slice of heaven and fly home, refreshed and determined anew in my vocation as wife and mother, to my true treasure on earth: my family and friends.

An Apparent Rarity

At the end of April I put Sam in a new school.  I know it seems a little crazy to make a switch so late in the year, but he was not thriving where he was and I didn't see the point in prolonging it until the end of the year.

Good decision.

In the last few weeks my old Sam, who had been replaced by an angry, sullen version of his former self, has returned.  He is smiling, happy, enthusiastic again (of course not all the time, but much more generally).  While he may never love school with all his heart, he has now found things about it to embrace.  A change of scenery was just what he needed.

This is a good reminder to me that schooling the children has to be an 'every child every year' decision.  It is not about what is easiest for me (one school), but rather what the children's individual needs are.  It would be my preference to have all my children in Catholic school from Kinder through 12th, but alas, I am forever learning that my preference is not always the best way.  And that is a good thing, as it keeps me open to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit in my life.

As many of you know, Jay and I have been all over the board educationally (no pun intended).  When Joey was not succeeding in Catholic school I home schooled him for two years.  When that was not academically successful (though it was key in rebuilding his confidence, which was the most important objective at the time) he moved to public school.  There he stayed until this year when he went to Paraclete Catholic High School and fit in perfectly.  I couldn't have predicted that path when I saw him off to his first day of Kinderarten 10 years ago, but it was right for him.

Tony, with a summer birthday, spent one year of Kinder at the local public school (which, blessedly, is excellent) and then went on to repeat Kinder at our Catholic school.  Natalie will do the same, beginning this fall, as she has a December birthday.  I opted for Transitional Kindergarten rather than another year of preschool as I believe she is ready.

Now Sam has transitioned to public school which is a better fit for his way of learning.  Julia, too, will be giving public school a go next year as a fifth grader.  Yet, Lindsey will graduate from Catholic school next year having been happily rooted in her class of 36 students from Kinder through 8th.  Tony and Bella also continue in Catholic school.  To sum this up, next year I will have seven children in four schools, two Catholic and two public.  Yikes!  Yet, though I may go broke from driving them all over the valley, I am confident it is right thing for each of their individual needs and that, as a result, our home will be a more peaceful and happy one.

This was all clarified for me yesterday when I dropped Sam off at school.  His school has a wonderful greeter  who opens the car door for the kids and makes sure they get in the gate safely.  She is always cheerful and wears funny hats on holidays, and it has become a highlight of our day to see what she will be wearing or say when we drop off.  As Sam got out of the car she stuck her head in the car and said, "What a pleasure it is to see both of you smiling and talking together when you pull up.  You'd be surprised how many people seem angry when they drop off their children."  That stopped me for a few reasons.

First, I realized how wonderful it is to have Sam back to his old self.  That is exactly what we were doing, talking and laughing, and it had been awhile since that had happened so naturally given how unhappy he had been for so long.  It validated the decision I had made in an instant.

Second, I was struck by how sad it was that this merited a comment at all.  How many carry that attitude throughout their day?  How many times have I used our drives to lecture the children on what they need to do better that day rather that setting a positive tone for their day?  It made me much more aware that my attitude in the morning can set the tone for the days of eight other people.  How important it is for me to be cheerful!

Thank you, Mrs. Wyatt of Valley View school, for your observation, which has enlightened me this day.

Proud Mom

Julia and two friends in her class performed a talent show preview for their school this morning.  I loved it and thought they did a great job.  If you'd like to see it, this link should (hopefully) take you to the two minute video.  Thanks to their gymnastics coach, Daniel of Genesis Gymnastics, for the great choreography!

(For those who are not sure, Julia is the one in blue shorts.)

Objectified

Yesterday evening Jay and I were cherishing some quiet time in our room.  We asked the kids for 30 whole minutes, something of a luxury for us.  Although I'm ashamed to admit how boring I really am, I used this precious time to take a nap, while Jay caught up on some prayers.

Every few minutes we were systematically interrupted by a tapping on the door.  "Mommy?" a little voice would ask each time.  Jay would kindly respond to each tap, "Mommy is not available right now, please come back in X number of minutes (however much of our half hour was left).  The taps continued at 5-10 minute intervals.

With about 10 minutes to go, Natalie had had her fill of the gentle rebuffs.  She changed her tactic:  "Dad, can I use mommy for a few minutes?"

We both laughed hard at that.  Jay comment that our four year old daughter had just completely objectified me and we found it funny.  Where is my Christian dignity?  On vacation sometimes where my children are concerned.  Go ahead--use me!  That's what I'm here for.

Scantastic!

As I mentioned at the end of my last post, I had a good brain scan last week that showed the two remaining lesions in my brain have shrunk "slightly".  After becoming happily accustomed to "stable", this was a complete thrill for us.  I mention this news again since I am thinking the majority of you never made it to the end of my last way-too-long post to read that news.

Now I have the news of my whole body PET/CT scan to add to this.  It was the best scan I have had in a very long time.  The long and slow march of cancer through my bones has finally been halted and mostly reversed.  All the activity in my sacrum and ribs has stopped completely and is showing increased sclerosis, a hardening of the bone lesions which is usually indicative of healing.  The only active bone lesions remaining are in my femur and T9 vertabrae.  Four months ago the SUV (measure of activity) was 6.0 in the T9 and is now1.7.  It was 5.5 in my femur and is now 2.3.  This is amazing news!

My oncologist decided to get aggressive with things after my last scan showed continuing progression in the bones.  I began taking two new medications: Xgeva, which is an injection specific to bones, and Xeloda, which is a twice daily oral chemo one week on and one week off.  Both of these have some very unpleasant side effects, but with results like these, I am newly pleased to continue taking them.

All my soft tissue organs are totally clear, as they have been since I completed my course of TDM1 (now approved by the FDA!!!) in summer of 2011.

Of course you all know I attribute this as much to answered prayers as to medical intervention.  Given that the whole time Jay has been asking for "a miraculous or medical cure", they have become one and the same for us.  This is the closest I have been to NED (no evidence of disease) in awhile, certainly since the brain mets popped up in 2011.  I thank you so very much for your continued support and prayers!