Of peace, that is. To enjoy the clean scan results, and the prospect of nine weeks without drama. However, I am getting the clear message that long-term peace is not to be mine, at least not yet.
I saw my oncologist yesterday, ready to rejoice with him in my stunning scan results. Instead, he expressed concern--to my complete surprise--about the developments in the right breast. Apparently, he did not like what was seen on PET combined with MRI, even though I thought it was fine (I guess I should have gone to medical school!). So, he is sending me off to the surgeon for a biopsy.
This is not something I would have chosen. In fact, when he asked me if I wanted a biopsy, I actually snorted and laughed as I shouted, "NO!". But apparently this was a rhetorical question. Though I would have preferred to ride it out the nine weeks and see, he was pretty insistent that I have this done, so I will do it.
But it's not all bad...he let me know that it was because he doesn't think I'm going to die of the original cancer any time soon that he is choosing to be aggressive with this, and that is nice. Too many Stage IV patients are essentially written off by their doctors and not treated because they see no point. In contrast, I was told yesterday I was "salvagable" (who knew I could ever be so happy to be described by that particular word?) and therefore deserved the full work up. Doesn't mean it's malignant.
But it does mean I'm going for another whirl on the roller coaster when I really, really wanted to get off. Hang on, here we gooooooooooo! (I hope I don't throw up.)
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6 comments:
You are in my prayers. You will come through this. God bless you.
Suzanne,
I know you would prefer to be cancer free than amazing, but you are amazing! I am amazed at the balance of your realism and optimism. At your ability to say so much with such an economy of words. Even with your occasional flights of literary fancy (fun!). And with your BEAUTIFUL children and obvious and abundantly appropriate mother's pride. Thank you for bothering to blog. It helps me in many ways. Not a day goes by that I don't pray for you in a very specific way. I know that helps me. I hope with all my might it helps you. Big, big hug. Julia
Being with you in thought and prayer constantly. Our Jesus has the power of renewal, of healing and He loves you SO much...
In His love,
Gabriela
I'm sorry for the surprise. I'll be praying.
Suzanne, you are by far the strongest, most inspirational human being I have EVER had the pleasure to call friend. Your outlook on life and motherhood and your uplifting optimism never cease to amaze me. Thank you for letting us share this glimpse into your ups and downs and letting us accompany you on your journey. Thanks also for allowing us the privilege of keeping you and Jay and the kids in our prayers! Storming heaven on your behalf!
Love and Hugs,
Toni
We have to be careful with those situations because it could be something really serious, I think you did the right thing to go to the oncologist.
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